It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees,
they’re putting up reindeer & and singing songs
of joy and peace…….
where’s that river when I need one? (Thanks Joni Mitchell )
That’s right, it’s finally time for The Umteenth Annual Living Room Scrub Down. I’ve waited all year to do it. I have to clean and make room so I can work in my Glorious Christmas Decor so we can get on with the Season in style.
First I move the couch away from the wall and sweep (or rake) out the scorfus balls, dust bunnies, cat toys (which are not always of the “made in China” variety ~ I thought I smelled something dead last June, but it faded away, now it’s just a lump of sparrow feathers long dried to nothingness by indoor climate control), a blue sock, three straws, someone’s car keys,and various other sundry, hairy dusty things.
Under the hubby’s recliner I find candy wrappers, tiny marshmallows he uses as ammo in his marshmallow gun, some rubber bands (?), a handful of renegade popcorn kernels (including “old maids”), and a .22 bullet. An odd sticky brown puddle long dried up & coated with cat fur completes the scene.
Under my recliner is nothing. It’s as clean as a hospital O.R.,or as my Aunt O would say “You could eat off the floor” under my chair.
I never ever drop any crumbs while relaxing in front of the two-ton Sony Trinitron watching The Voice (too much talk ~ not enough singing) or some other highly entertaining and commercial-filled TV show. Not once has any morsel hit the floor while I’m daintily crunching on tortilla chips and salsa, or Ritz crackers, an apple and/or cheese. Never has there been any under-the-recliner evidence of the clipping of my toenails (in the most ladylike of fashions). I never spill a solitary drop of Three Buck Chuck on the floor between the wee side-table and my lips (leaving behind a tacky purple stain no amount of Mr.Clean will eliminate). Nor do any crumbly brownie bits fall between the chair cushions to the stick-on tile below. I am perfect. I am tidy. I am perfectly tidy. You could almost say Hyper-tidy! Almost….
I’ll have to store the cow hide rug that graces the middle of the room for the Holiday Season. Something about slayed and flayed livestock just doesn’t fit in with my cheerful “Winter Wonderland” decor. (Oddly enough it was a Christmas Gift.) I’ll take it out to the deck rail and give it a good beating with the broom, returning the dirt to the yard. The window sills and windows will get their annual Windex Wipedown, and I’ll hide my non-Christmasy knick-knacks and paddywacks for the nonce. The Budgie Bros will have to do without their living room window perch, but if it’s anything like last year the Christmas Tree will be a great substitution.
Under the coffee table is five pairs of shoes. All mine. Two pair of Birkenstocks, my Texas Longhorn house shoes (stolen from the hubby), a hideous pair of orange Crocs (old style) and my long lost pair of pink Vibram Five-fingers. I thought someone had stolen them! Here I was blaming perfectly innocent visitors of stealing my silly “toe shoes” when all the time they were hiding in the cobwebs beneath the coffee table! Shame on me.
After a bit more sweeping and vacuuming (with numerous coffee/snack/beverage breaks squeezed in), I’ll try to find the mop and employ it on it’s annual swabbing of the floor just in time for Holiday Decorating. I’m giddy with anticipation!
© Copyright 2015 Leegay, All rights Reserved. Written For: Truth In Decorating